News Wrap

All the news that's fit to mock

Texas Cops Halt Arrests of Drunks in Bars
....While they're doubled over in pain from slamming their cranks in the door.

Obesity Finds Niche in American Marketing
.... Caskets, beds, child safety seats for fatasses.... What about running shoes and treadmills?

George Michael Hits Three Cars
.... Must have been in a hurry to make it to the glory hole.

Biologist Claims to Have Found World's Largest Shrimp
....But Tom Cruise isn't exactly a discovery.