"If you hadn't strapped him to the seat he'd be pushing up the daisies!"
I can't make this stuff up. Maybe Monty Python can:
BA passengers share first class cabin with dead traveller
A passenger buzzes the flight attendant:
Pass.: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(FA does not respond.)
P: 'Ello, Mister?
FA: What do you mean "mister"?
P: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
FA: We're making the rounds for lunch.
P: Never mind that, my lass. I wish to complain about this tourist you put not half an hour ago into that very seat!
FA: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Guy...What's,uh...What's wrong with him?
P: I'll tell you what's wrong with him, my lass. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with 'im!
FA: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
P: Look, matey, I know a dead tourist when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
FA: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable guy, the Norwegian fella, idn'he, ay? Beautiful toupee!
P: The toupee don't enter into it. He's stone dead.
FA: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
P: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the body)
'Ello, Mister Ole Norway! I've got a lovely fresh lutefisk for you if you show...(Flight Attendant nudges the dead man)
FA: There, he moved!
P: No, he didn't, that was you hitting him!
FA: I never, never did anything...
P: (yelling and hitting the dead man repeatedly) 'ELLO OLE!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(grabs man's hairpiece and thumps his head on the tray table. Throws him back into the seat)
P: Now that's what I call a dead tourist.
FA: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
FA: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Tourists stun easily, sir.....
...And you all know how this carries on.