Monday, October 9, 2006

Say it with flowers, dumbass

Redneck relational issues

Why, oh WHY didn't I take my camera on the road today? After getting my furniture delivered, I took a leisurely drive to Pensacola to deposit my chicken feed paycheck. On Highway 98 just east of the Florida-Alabama line, I saw a large plywood sign posted at an intersection facing into a new-ish crackerbox subdivision. The message Krylon'ed onto the plywood?

"I'm so sorry. Please Take me back".

No name. Our Redneck Romeo believes his beloved will figure it out on her drive to work tomorrow morning. Somehow I don't feel a hell of a lot of sympathy for this guy. Here's why:

1) A simple bouquet of flowers and a card cost less than the 4X6 piece of plywood, the can of white paint it took to cover it, and the can of black paint for his lettering.

2) Mosty likely, she'd see the sign first thing in the morning on the way to work. Come on, now. First thing in the morning, people are generally already pissed off at having to rouse themselves out of bed early and drive to jobs they hate. 6 AM is not a time to discuss relationship issues.

3) The sign means she isn't taking his calls, and probably has a restraining order against him. He has crossed the line from jilted lover to stalker.

I don't feel much sympathy for her, either, for getting involved with such a moron in the first place.

It's just a damned shame I didn't take my camera along for that little jaunt.

See what I mean when I say I can't stand the locals? Sometimes I feel I'd rather live in a one-room shack in the woods somewhere. I'm overdue for a long sabbatical anyway, a la Thoreau.

1 comment:

kissyface said...

It's too funny. Did he really capitalize Take, or is that your typo?

My money says he cheated.

But you're just showing off with that crossed-out "paycheck". I'm an html-tard.