The "Muslim" Car?

defies comprehension

Looks like they're trying to corner another niche-market in car manufacturing:

Malaysian firm's "Muslim car" plan

It was only a matter of time. Featuring compasses pointing to Mecca, and extra compartments for headscarves and Korans, Proton figures it can build the ideal car for the Muslim driver.

What other features are you going to see in a dedicated Islamic car? Fresh from Proton's public affairs office, keep an eye open for these factory-offered options:

* Stow-and-Go bomb cache. When 500 pounds of C4 and ball bearings aren't enough. Just fold down the seats and you're ready to go... boom.

* Free gas tank siphon kit and bottle-crate. Molotov cocktails on the go!

* DVD player. When Bin Laden tapes can't wait.

* Free one year subscription to Al Jazeera.

* 2.5 liter V6 engine rated at 175 camelpower.

* 3-year, 36,000-mile bomb damage warranty

* Buy one by November 23 and drive home with 100 kilos of the plastic explosive of your choice at no additional charge!

Unfortunately, extensive testing has shown that the Proton has some problems.

-Five times a day it will swerve towards a big black rock in the desert and come to a complete stop.

-Cannot be fueled in daylight during Ramadan.

-Will reject all driver control and run down Danish newspaper cartoonists on sight. Engine redlines at mention of Salman Rushdie's name

-Has a tendency to explode in the vicinity of American troops and Iraqi police roadblocks. Warranty protection does not cover bullet holes incurred when running down American convoys.