Recipe #2: Nuclear Jambalaya

Hans Brix? Oh No!

If I made this jambalaya any hotter, Hans Blix would start nipping at my ankles and I'd need a concrete and steel containment shield for my kitchen.

To get there:

1 lb. chicken breast
1 lb. shrimp
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 onion, 1 tomato, 1 bell pepper, 1 clove garlic (all diced)
3 cups rice
5 cups water
3 tbsp. paprika
2 tbsp. Tony Chachere's Creole seasoning
2 tbsp. Dale's

Rex's shrimp and crawfish boil and ground cayenne pepper to taste. Here you have 3 options depending on how badly you want to scorch your palate:

Alpha: 1 tbsp. cayenne, 2 tbsp. Rex's.

Beta: 3 tbsp. cayenne, 6 tbsp. Rex's.

Gamma: Empty your cayenne jar, add 1/4 cup Rex's, and wait for the IAEA to turn up and demand inspections. Tell them to pack sand. The UN will be angry with you, and they will write a letter expressing their anger.

Directions:

Sautee the onion and garlic in your pan. add the chicken, shrimp, pepper, tomato, and spices. Simmer for 10-15 minutes. Add rice and water, return to boil, and add some more Rex's if you're feeling ballsy. If the fumes from the simmering critical mass in your pan make eyes tear up across the room, you have it right. Reduce heat to low and allow to simmer for 20 minutes. Serves four generously, eight as a side.

Good luck, and don't come crying to me if you fry your esophagus. In addition, you might find yourself suddenly popular with Iranians and North Koreans.