In my earlier post about Macbeth, Fallujah Ranger, I mentioned in an aside that he might as well take up Nigerian-style 419 e-mail scamming. Can you imagine his sales pitch? I doctored this up from an e-mail I recieved from a spammer claiming to be a soldier in Iraq:
FROM: Cpl Jesse Macbeth
To whom it may concern.
I am American Special Forces Ranger, I am serving in the military of the 3rd Ranger Battalion in Iraq, as you know we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and car bombs and being told to slaughter innocent peoples. I stole funds belonging to Saddam Hussein's family from a tunnel under a mosque. I was shot with an M16 rifle whilst carrying the box out through a tunnel and a Canadian Nurse patched me up and I kept fighting until I returned to base and hid the monies.
The total amount is US$7.2Million dollars in cash, mostly 100 dollar bills. I want to move this money to you, so that you may invest it for me and keep my share for banking. I will take 60%. You take the other 40%. No strings attached, just help me move it out of Iraq, Iraq is a war zone. Help me please I dont want to work at Wendys or some crummy coffee shop when I gets out of the Rangers. I plan on using diplomatic courier and shipping the money out in one large silver box, using diplomatic immunity I got from being a SF Ranger. If you are interested I will explain all modalities, my job is to find a good partner that I can trust and that will assist me. When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact details. This business is risk free. The box can be shipped out in 48hrs.
Respectfully,Cpl Jesse Macbeth
Private Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Be on the lookout for this gomer.
In other news, I found a copy of Jesse's infamous video where he talks about his atrocities. The video was originally posted at http://www.peacefilms.org and taken down by an astute webmaster the instant the shit hit the fan and credibility became an issue; it was re-posted at YouTube, and then yanked there as well. Fortunately Kevin at the WizBang blog had a copy, and he is keeping it up while we all point our fingers and laugh at a ridiculously poor and unconvincing con job.
Watch the video! Jesse has a horrific stutter. It's like watching Tim Meadows channeling Porky Pig in his Ladies' Man voice. "Badeep badeep baddeep b-b-b--b by my hand 200 p-p-p-p-peeples wuz teh-t-t-t-t-t-taken out".
Point and laugh, keep a boot sock and a bar of Dial soap handy for the blanket party when some real Rangers get a hold of this guy. If you really want to be a prick, bring a Master lock instead of a soap bar.