Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Campaign Season

TiVo here I come

Fuuck. You know the mid-term election is close, with the maddening spate of TV campaign ads clobbering the airwaves. Ad hominem attacks aplenty, kissing-babies and shaking-hands montages, "tough on crime" and "bringing home the bacon" pronouncements, et al. The local House district is pretty much safe, so Rep. Jo Bonner (R) isn't advertising. Good. One less candidate to bloviate on TV during breaks. Good thing, right? Sorry, the vacuum is filled by judicial candidates, state Reps and Senators, County commissioners, dogcatchers, ass-wipers, and everyone in between. Ad language being rife with empty promises and hypocrisy, here is my interpretation of TV campaign ad language:

"Secured funding for ________, ______, ________"...
"I'm blowing taxpayer money on boondoggles, and oh, by the way, I'm on the take. Coming June 2007, the new Senator ___ ___ ____ highway rest stop".

"Tough on crime"...
"Get out of jail free cards available with cash donations to ___ ___ ___ election fund".

"Solid Christian values"...
"Alcoholic wife-beater with a mistress stashed away in a Costa Rican love nest. If I lay my hand on a Bible I'm going to burst into flames."

"Supporting social justice"...
"Will freely toss taxpayer money to any fringe group that could possibly be considered a voting bloc, convicted felons, and illegal immigrants."

"Honest and reliable"...
"To the highest bidder. briefcases stuffed with non-consecutive 100s welcomed".

"Oh dear! It's 1 pm! I've got to make my tee time!"

"Does not cater to special interests"...
"Please, call them PACs".

Is it any wonder the electorate is so jaded and fed up with these jagoffs?

If you're up for office this year,

Fuck Off.

Oh and by the way: I approve this message.


Scott said...

Do you mind if I steel part of this and send a link for the rest of it from my site.
LC Scott

Citizen H said...

No Problem

Shamalama said...

Excellent post, sir.

And as a father of a Devil Dog, let me say "Thank You" for serving your country.

kissyface said...

See, RH, despite your protestations in the last post, you're being "published" already. That's what happens when you're funny.

As for the mess on tv, it's just one more reason i don't watch it.

Cute picture of you (i mean it in the most masculine way possible, of course). Kind of dismantles the threat in the double-gesture. I see the hair's getting a little longer, little more comfortable, as is the lifestyle - jeans insouciantly tossed on the trunk. Or, are you drying them out? I wonder what other perfunctory behaviors you've shrugged off (like my disregard for niggling grammar rules that bar prepositions from closing sentences; sometimes it's a hard rule to abide)?

Anyway, try not to be too aggravated, just put down the remote, and keep growing that hair.

Anonymous said...

What have you done to my office? Its a pigsty!